HABITCHUAL MASTABREAKER "Dextrus wave"
Fiend | CD 027

This is great! And I don't even BUY this kind of thing! I still won't buy this kind of thing but it was nice to hear it all the same. A question of time you see. And money. Time and money, how dull.

Quick word about the cover, although my copy is a promo/press release B&W home PC print-out. whatever, it looks like it's going to be good in its final form. I really love the line of text "Keep Supporting The Underground!.... " Right on Habity-Kasties!! Fucking yeah !!!

To almost quote the blurb... "This is HM's (ha!) first release, blending composite styles from D+B through laid back electronica, Jazz composition, all executed with an ease and grace rarely encountered". How could any reviewer worth their Brother Handy-Typer PX50 argue with that? Not this one.

E.G.; track 3 Saturday Morning Blues' takes ancient GeroGary back to 1987 and an old Robbie Robertson song 'Somewhere Down the Crazy River' [1]. I just sort of got to like it back then, credit where credit's due, come on! Fuck, I'll even admit to having a fucking Spice Girls CD single because I consider it good... 'Viva Forever' [2] and did you see the video to that song? Excellent. I won't say what I'd like to do with the rest of their shite though, for risk of prosecution.

Next piece, 'Anti-Climax' is the kind of thing you hear on late, late hour TV played along to images from the 1960's and '70s US/USSR space programs.

'Subterfuge' is a slightly avant-garde etherial jazzy number that wouldn't sound too out of place on an old Nurse with Wound recording and ends with a nod to Ramsey Lewis. I have just been wrecking the bathroom! Ha haa! Terrific!! The track listing is confusing me, 9 listed songs but only 8 on my 'big one's' display. Who cares? Just enjoy!

Only one negative point; I hate the moniker but, well, we can't all be prefect. except me. Uh yeah, and "Look out... hers coming!" Hmmm... ok. HM. you got a ten out of ten, come then. I could do with a new facial and some mouthwash.

For information or bookings (book 'em Danno!) email:
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Notes

Robbie Robertson "Somewhere Down The Crazy River" 7" 19S7 GEF 40 927 822-7 David Geffen Company
Spice Girls "Viva Forever" CDS 1998 VSCDT 1692 Virgin

V/A "The New Music Now"
Fiend | CD 026

The New Music Now is one of, at the time of writing, 4 Fiend compilations, 20 tracks and 18 bands... where do I begin? Lets look for some kind of reference point; Paperboy. Track 18 is by Paperboy. Now, this takes me back to the days when the lovely very young Vivian worked part time in Bennett's newsagents. (Bennett's!!! Can you believe that?! Real horrorshow!) I was all in love and excited and had that warm feeling in my tummy and got all sticky in my pantie-poo's and I told Simon and Simon referred to it as 'stalking the newspaper girl' and that tickled ol' GeroGary but now Vivian has gone off to work in a supermarket and I'm all sad and cuckolded and I have to do lonesome onanie to keep my spirits up (as if I didn't do lonesome onanie before that ) Goodbye Vivian, it was nice knowing you. bye then, bye bye. Goodbye. Time then to come clean and admit that it was me who sent you that valentine card last valentines day! Did you guess? I bet you did, I noticed that knowing look... of outrage. I wrote that poem myself you know? Yes I did. I have proof... it goes:

"Vivian. you're gorgeous and beautifull it's true
Standing there behind the till, I'm enchanted by the view
Every time I come to shop in 'Bennetts' superstore
My heart beat's faster. breath gets harder, but I like it more & more"

So now I have confessed to you my feelings on this day. Keep it secret, don't tell a soul, or I'll be put away, I really think you are delicious. You turn me all to goo. Please don't let them lock me up, I'm a bit too old for you!

Alright, back to reality and 'work'. Appy polly loggies for any spelling errors in the following band names/song titles... blame Mr Harrisons hand written (=scrawled) press release track listing. As always, I'm innocent! It wasn't me, it was my traitorous droogs.'
DDDD's (is that the wonderfull 'zine or a play on Japan's noise crew. CCCCP ? 'Classic Lashings'.. .sounds like Robocop having lonesome onanie.
Fidel Villeneuve's 'Everybody have gun' (no, not everybody Fidel. Just me.)... sounds like Robocop going apeshit in Harlem.
Spintronics' 'Spectreman'... sounds like Robocop doing the sunday breakfast as a special treat for Mrs Robocop and little Robokiddi-cop. Until I fell asleep.
Straight Outta Mongolia's 'Don't You Want Me?!... Sounds like them again S.O.M again. Have you seen what those two 'girls' from The Human League look like now? God! Xmas cake.
Tripod Sardine's 'No Nerves'...sounds like they want to be Nurse With Wound.
Argos Fiasco's !!All The Best Bits...' sounds like their going in the right direction with the wrong samples.
Spintronics' 'Breaking Pash'...sounds like glass and beats and Ella Fitzgerald with Joe Pass doing a metal dance. Is good.
BLA's 'AMWLKS'... sounds like the Daleks dancing around their control room.
Midwich's Please Tell Me You're Joking'... sounds like Robocop making smellys in the bath.
BLA's 'Typing'... sounds like something N.K.V.D. binned during the making of Konstruktivist's 'A Dissembly' album in 1982.
JLIAT's 'UMM'... sounds like something Jarboe binned because she thought it would bore everyone to death. Does.
Horchata/Zenopede's 'Ennvi'... sounds like some sort of dream sequence from Lynches Eraserhead. Excellent, if a trifle short.
Government Alpha's 'Tears Of A Meteorite'... ahh!!! That's more like it! Extreme Japanese noise to pull us all out of our lethargy, again. But I'm still going to say 'sounds like'... sounds like the gentle breeze you might just slooshy whilst clinging to a Space Shuttle's tail fin during ascent. Yep, if you're gonna do it... do it well.
IMDP's 'Neuroenfero(cata)elisma'... sorry, but the last part of the track title was almost illegible (like it makes so much difference). Sounds like the dizzy Daleks, once again, dancing to Govt. Alpha's 'Tears Of A Meteorite'. Pretty darned good.
SGD's 'I Got It Upside Down'... lucky you. I don't get it anyway up since falling deep into my cuckoldry. Sounds like Dinosaures having a fuck-fest. They don't show you that on 'Wanking With Dinosaures'... do they?
Load Runner's 'Tracer Hill'... sounds ridickularse (correct spelling, for once). Ducks having a mass dump or something.
DK720's 'A Flock Of Solar Gadgets'... sounds like the Clangers on acid.
Paperboy's 'After Half Term'... sounds like you must be fucking joking. Cunt.
Purple Better One's 'Scraping The Chunks'... Robocop blowing raspberry's.
Superfuckers ' 'Sensuous Men & 'Women Together '... Fantastic ! Sounds like 3 trashy U.S. porn films all in one go! Works very well, amazing ! !

Prizes go to: Horchata/Zenopede, Government Alpha, IMDP and Superfuckers. Well done.
As for the rest of you, you're not fit to suck my used dental tape clean.

snail mail address:

Fiend Recordings
18 Canal Road,
Sowerby Bridge
West Yorkshire
HX6 2AY
ENGLAND
email: mail (AT) fiendrecordings.com