Originally, this text by Gary Simmons was once published in Sniper Glue' zine (c/o Kaw, 94 Main Street, Forth, Lanarkshire, ML11 8AB, UK) that came out in nine copies only, so having a permission from Gary to reprint it we did so (erp staff)…

LITTERBUG "File under....Dead"
CD-R (at least that's what I got. And a manky old 'colour zerox' insert)

Thursday 24th October 2002 Rapeday!!!! [1]

Fucking sick of having to hear about that stupid dumb-ass bitch Ulrika Jonsson! Sick of them all!! These over-paid, over-dosed 'stars' and 'celebrities'... just what the fuck has this wrinkled-up old sow done to attract so much cunting attention? It all goes hand-in-hand with the needs of the submissive mindless masses, a question of balance you see, ultra-idiot dance for ultra-idiot audience. Lap it up, fuckwits! They pissed and shat on a cold white tiled floor, on your knees, head down... fucking shut up!!! No I don't care if it's messing your hair!!! Tongue out, rub the fucking floor with it!!! I smash your face into it, smash dull sickening thud and crack of malenky bone. Bastards! Who, with a urine sample jar of intelligence, cares about these attention seeking gapping 3-holed doll jizz skips?!?! Fuck'em and fuck'em all!!!! And besides, she looks just like one of those Sea Devils in 1970's Jon Pertwee period Doctor Shmoo... would you stick your dick into a Silurian? Star Prak's Vulcan T'pau (T'aw, T' poo...?), yes. Silurian, no. Bow-lacks!! Where's your style? Your decorum? Wanna go where some Mr. Nobody-but-he-can-kick-a-ball-around fist in Ulrika's face super-ape has dumped his stick'n'ball dribble? Go for it then, desperate Dan. Remember to carve-up John Leslie afterward, cut'em all up... like regular tchicken (silent 't' ), Cannibal Holocaust style. How dare they waste my precious time, dragging me into their squalid, lugubrious and overblown trivialities! Nasty lot.

Sainsbury's was good today. But Waitrose was even better. I bought gifties for Maggie Ponce's family to deploy in Madrid... I am fucking excited! Me no travel, you see. Don't go anywhere in fact, 'cept North Finchley, unlike 'orrible Ulrika and toad-face JohnBoy. Famous now? Happy now? Yucketty-yuck-yuk-yuk. Croak.

For Maggie Ponce's mum, Pepa, I bought 50 Williamson (Bennett, tee hee) & Magor (fine teas since 1869…) Earl Grey tea bags in a 'keepable' silver tin auditor Antonio, Pepa's boyfriend, I bought a Waitrose chocolate shortbread selection kit. Grandmother will receive a box of Bendicks (watch it!) mint chocolates... whether she likes it or not. I'm not playing games here!! Altogether now…"Yum fucking yum!!" I know Pepa and Antonio are into good music so I might even do a cassette 'disc-rape' (just shut your fucking whingeing Ulrika, you're famous now so just fucking shut up!!!) of this here Litterbug CD-R that was so trustingly sent to me for review by your editor Myerk Roachly... hey, Marko, how about putting some page numbers in issue #2 of Sniper Glue? And a 'letters to thee editor' page… whether or not you receive any, there should still be a page. Fill it with pics of contributors "hot" neighbour pin-ups, photo's taken from frozen-framed TV footage by obsessed maniacs or direct print-outs from daddy's favourite web sites; 'Pure Lolita', 'Cyber Lolita', 'The best pre-teens photos from Russia'... saw it on the ITV news last night, not my fault...''they' did it to me. Ideas? They ooze from my inflamed Cock-Soup dispenser

Later...2:54pm

I just returned from my appointment with my Psychiatrist, Dr.Linger. He didn't, I went straight in and up, although not in the Max Cunting Clifford 'publicist' sense. I'm doing fine! I told Dr.Linger about the upcoming Madrid trip and showed him a copy of Gaze Into A Gloom #2. [2], the recent issue of the Latvian industrial, ambient, gothic, Merje Lohmus/Mad Sister magazine containing 17 of my reviews. He seemed extremely interested which was a bit of a relief as I wasn't sure if I should be pestering him with all this stuff... I just wanted to show him that I wasn't laying about doing fuck-all all day. I'm sitting at a typewriter writing about fuck-all instead! Yeah, he seemed to be eye-glued, though not dicky-eyed, to the first 'piece' of my GIAG contributions, namely my 'Suicide Note' [3] which attempts to convey my feelings as I was sinking into depression during the summer of 2001. Then, to my astonishment, Dr.Linger asked if he could photocopy that page!!!! "to keep with your patient's notes" or words to that effect. Down we go, p.copy done, and I'm happily sent away! Now, if you, all nine readers of Sniper Glue, will excuse GeroGary, I've just got to re-read that particular p.copied page, my own work I know, with it's section of my Gerogerigegege 'Saturday Night Big Cock Salaryman' CD review [4] just to see exactly what Dr.Linger will read, and try, impossible of course, to imagine his professional reaction and insight. Hey, I can hear something going on outside... a van's pulled up... white coated figures, one of which seems to be carrying what looks like a basket weaving kit. . .

The old ones are usually the best, don't you find? I'll be forty fucking three next month.

And never judge a CD-R by its dismal cover. LITTERBUG's 'File under....Dead' (they couldn't decide how many dot dot dots to use. I know the feeling well...) looks like it's gonna be yet another Death Metal (might be good)/Nu Metal (pitiful shite, a noisy pest of a mongral dog with no fucking teeth... or brain come to that) onslaught, with its mouldy fresh-grave-robbed green-out-of-negative face shot and terminator-like red eyes. But its not! Not at all. I've played this 5 or 6 times over now and I've rather got to like it. Jolly good!!

Slipping lewdly into well lubricated track 1, with not a dab of KY in sight, 'A New Bolero' is a slow paced guitar sustain-pedal driven piece not dissimilar to something I may or may not have heard on Gary Mundy's Ruby Kennel Club CD [5], lot's of effects but used, er, effectively. Not gratuitously, that is to say. Goodness, could this band actually have... what was that word we used to use? Ah! TALENT!! Could be. Could well be.

'The Garbage Man' goes surfing with your brain (says so) and spaces you out, man, with one of the 5 actually 'sung' songs on this 15 track album, the others being mostly instrumental pieces, like one of my favourites here, track 3's 'Hoe Down Boogie', a glittering cluster of chandelier glass tinkles and, jesus fuckin' Christ I never thought I'd admit to this, but is that a Peter Gabrielle riff I slooshy? That awfull "Jump" song? Was it "jump"? Fuckbust my simmering bowl disorder, it sounds superb here, with all that bass'n'shit, it is Peter Gabrielle isn't it?

Next up we've got a cover of... well, whoever it was's song 'Lost In Music', you know "caught in a trap, no going back"... and all that. Nice treatment, just don't do it again please. (typing this particular paragraph up on 25th October it has - all of a sudden come to me... Elvis? )

Track 5's 'Ultramental' (no sarky comments please) could, again, well be 'Ruby Kennel Club' inspired and egypto-guitar fired. (eh?!) It's the last resort of a sinking reviewer at 10:29pm when he's busting to go for a crap. 'The Here And Now' passes over my head somewhat, having little for me to latch onto, I'm glad it's over whereas 'Black African Woman' slowly and seductively draws you in, the warm bass massages your rump and kneads your loins, relaxing and soothing... Radox is hopeless. Funny, I always fancied a shot in the dark. Groan.

The tone now changes completely, You'd almost think it was another band, 'Addicted to Noise' is your LITTERBUG post punk pop song, Buzzcocks/Jilted John and 20 others that I'll most probably remember tomorrow... but that's the closest I can get right now. It's great... Alberto Y Lost Trios Paranoias? Nah!! 'Blatant and Shameless', track 9, completes the 'A New Bolero'/ 'Ultramental' trilogy albeit with less impact than it's predecessors although I suppose it does heat-up a little towards the end.

Now we're onto something good... 'Ode For Da Brudda', this is what it's all about, LITTERBUG's defining moment, for this album anyway, a-confident bass-at-the-helm rally drive with unidentifiable vocal samples held in place by a chugging beat and just the right amount of wow-wow-wah-wah effects... but, like my sexual performance, it's all over before it's begun. Maggie Ponce said I "couldn't fuck a fly" and at 2 mins 48 sees this track is hardly anything to aspire to, so, I tell her that "it's quality, not quantity". My excuses are brutally and cruelly dismissed.

Track 11 'Coming Round Again' is all about problems... they've even sampled Johnny Rotten's vocal "problems" from 'Never Mind The Bollocks' [6] and it works well in this song, subtlety being the key. Original lyrics "I've got problems in my head, I've got problems getting out of bed" and "I've got trouble being alone, troubled by the death of Joey Ramone"... hear that Mark? Juntaro? Terrific stuff! Why not get it made into a lathe cut 7" by Peter King Records... [uh-uhh] if you can put up with a 14 month wait and a whole pack, literally a full fuckin' deck, of lies and excuses. We won't be using him again, eh, Majorky Wriggley baby, ain't that so?! Make it so, number one.

12... 'Won't Fall Down', a gentle atmospheric piece... that word 'talent' keeps bouncing off the inside of my skull, rubber ball fashion, boing boing boing it fucking goes (boing as in Zebedee, not the Seattle based aircraft manufacturer). Another gem 'Gouge Away' rears its head for fans of chug'a'chug'a'chug chug early Public Image Limited Jah Wobble Bass and guitar (let's face up to it, we are all fans of this, are we not? Oh.) and an orgiastic spaced-out organist drapped with a little night-driving-stretched-high-noted-axe. Yeah. 'No Logo'... that's that book by some horny university educated trollop I saw one Channel 4 News Mayday riot discussion slot. Her pretty face crops up with these Anti-Globalisation events and is calming to behold (of course, she's far to old looking for me...). It makes me wonder; who appears on Socratisation day then? [7] Fucking no-one! I wanna be that man. A pleasant enough ditty.

The CD-R closes with 'The Greatest Rock'n'Roll Suicide' a, by now, stereotypical Litterbugesque instrumental occasionally pierced by the recited words, not the actual voice of, J.Rotten and Malcolm Maclaren from 'The Great Rock'n'Roll Swindle' film. Funny, the Ceramic Hobs did something like this on, I don't know, one of their umpteen releases... "Straight Outta Rampton" [8] possibly. I could be wrong, I could be right... more, if you close your eyes you could almost imagine this entire album has something to do with Simon Morris himself... nah, must be due to that 'Blackpool underground feel' and the fact that I haven't taken my medication yet.

If you read, and agreed with as I did, Timo's 'The Death Of Music, Part Two' piece in issue #1 of 'Sniper Glue' then this CD-R could possibly be worth your while investigating. It isn't 'in your face' so much as 'anaesthetise your urethra and slide in the flexible cystascope so as to see a different perspective on bladder and prostate gland that have been there, unseen, since cunt-sliding day'.

Contact:
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Notes

Rapeday is a magnificent song to be found on Whitehouse - Dedicated to Peter Kurten CD 1996 SLCD015 Susan Lawly. I've got the original Come Organisation LP Dedicated to Peter Kurten Sadist and Mass Slayer 1981 WDC0881010... but then I would, wouldn't I?
Gaze Into A Gloom, PO Box 15, Riga LV-1011, Latvia. giag (AT) mail.ru and... the magazine is free!
Suicide Note also appeared in Chaotic Order#15: Chaotic Order, 15 Digby Close, Doddington Park, Lincoln LN6 5PZ, UK, www.insound.com/zinestand/co, http://sstpublications.co.uk
The Gerogerigegege - Saturdaynight Big Cock Salaryman CD2001 FVA-1 Full Volume Agency
The Gerogerigegege, 2-12-5 Hamadayama, Suginami, Tokyo 168-0065, Japan, visavisaa (AT) jp-t.ne.jp
FVA, 1-11-26 Nakashirane, Asahiku, Yokohama 241-0004, Japan.
Blind Alley - The Ruby Kennel Club CD 1996 FRR022 Freek Records. Gary's been off the scene for years now, a great shame.
Sex Pistols - Never Mind The Bollocks Here's The Sex Pistols (like you didn't know... well, maybe you didn't? Look, I bought this record the week it came out, ok?!?! That good enough for ya?!) LP 1977 V2086 Virgin. Seeing Matlock tonight too, 100 Club again.
Socratisation Day from the extraordinary 3rd Whitehouse album Erector. Get it on CD as SLCD011 Susan Lawly 1995 (is it really that long ago?) But, nah nah, nah nah nah, I have it on original vinyl, Come Organisation 1/vDC881007 1981. Wake up ya cunt, there's still one more note to go.
Ceramic Hobs- Straight Outta Rampton CD 2001 PUMF 550

Gary Simmons
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